Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105
Proverbs 17
Proverbs 17:13 Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. NIV.
Who among us doesn’t enjoy having people agree with them? I know when someone validates my opinion or idea, I find deep satisfaction. This is a natural response we all desire to be heard for who we are and respected for our opinions. Sometimes, though, I know I stretch the limits of this valid desire. I do that when I seek to modify my customize my opinion to my hearer and seek validation not to my personal opinion but to having said something which they already believe. This aspect of people pleasing cause internal tension as I hide the real me in order to get a validation. How tragic that the validation I receive is a false one and results in discouragement rather than joy.
On the other hand some of the best interactions I have experienced involved people providing feedback which, at the time, I did not appreciate, but which ended up the most beneficial. When my wife and I participated in our pre-marital counseling, one of the assignments was to develop a budget. We did this on our own and then shared it with the pastor. I had what I felt was a perfect budget until the pastor asked, “How are you going to eat?” as I had neglected to include any money for groceries. This generated a good laugh.
That was not always so. Years later another pastor asked to talk with me. He asked me to stop attending a church program and the valid reasons for that. That was an uncomfortable conversation. Because this man took the time to share with me in a one-on-one situation and simultaneously expressing deep appreciation for the progress I had been making healing the damage I’d done to my marriage, I received the council and a commenced a discipling relationship with him.
Over the years our relationship matured from me having a need to receive to a mutuality in which we both spoke into each other’s lives. Because we knew our friendship went deep, we accepted correction from each other. In this relationship I experience the intent of this verse that it is better to hear truth and grow, than to seek only agreement and wither spiritually.
May I hear and speak truth in the context of relationships grounded in love for Christ and each other. Amen.
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