Lamp . . . Light – March 26, 2024

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105

Proverbs 17

Proverbs 17:13 Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. NIV.

Who among us doesn’t enjoy having people agree with them? I know when someone validates my opinion or idea, I find deep satisfaction. This is a natural response we all desire to be heard for who we are and respected for our opinions. Sometimes, though, I know I stretch the limits of this valid desire. I do that when I seek to modify my customize my opinion to my hearer and seek validation not to my personal opinion but to having said something which they already believe. This aspect of people pleasing cause internal tension as I hide the real me in order to get a validation. How tragic that the validation I receive is a false one and results in discouragement rather than joy.

On the other hand some of the best interactions I have experienced involved people providing feedback which, at the time, I did not appreciate, but which ended up the most beneficial. When my wife and I participated in our pre-marital counseling, one of the assignments was to develop a budget. We did this on our own and then shared it with the pastor. I had what I felt was a perfect budget until the pastor asked, “How are you going to eat?” as I had neglected to include any money for groceries. This generated a good laugh.

That was not always so. Years later another pastor asked to talk with me. He asked me to stop attending a church program and the valid reasons for that. That was an uncomfortable conversation. Because this man took the time to share with me in a one-on-one situation and simultaneously expressing deep appreciation for the progress I had been making healing the damage I’d done to my marriage, I received the council and a commenced a discipling relationship with him.

Over the years our relationship matured from me having a need to receive to a mutuality in which we both spoke into each other’s lives. Because we knew our friendship went deep, we accepted correction from each other. In this relationship I experience the intent of this verse that it is better to hear truth and grow, than to seek only agreement and wither spiritually.

May I hear and speak truth in the context of relationships grounded in love for Christ and each other. Amen.

Lamp . . . Light – March 24, 2024

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105

Proverbs 17

Proverbs 17:27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, a man of understanding is even-tempered. NIV.

I suspect I am not dissimilar to many when I recall the far too many times I have spoken first and then thought about what I said afterwards. And that thought, “I should NOT have said that!” Some of my greatest regrets result from those times when I have done so. Unable to retract the words, I am left with the daunting task of having to rectify my words. This, at times, requires years to rebuilt trust and restore the relationship. Tragically some relationships are never restored.

What complicated my poor use of words is the tone in which I expressed them. Invariable my most hurtful and destructive words flowed from an unbridled anger and the tenor of my speech may have reflected the truth, but harshly without even a drizzling of love. How could the results of such an interchange be anything other than destructive?

Solomon in this proverb highlights an alternate pattern of speech, one dominated by the maturity of wisdom. It includes using words with restraint. What a wonderful concept. I don’t need to use extravagant terminology or emphasis to make a point. In fact, if I hear another assert that something is “the God’s-honest truth.” I suspect the speaker may not truly know what they are speaking about. Simplicity of speech is more effective in part because the speaker is emphasizing the point made over the manner in which it is presented. Restraint extends also to the intensity with which I speak. How much more effective to be even-tempered as I speak. Yet, we all know how challenging this can be when we are irritated and angry. Restraint and even-tempered speech is inversely proportionate to how hot under the collar I become.

From Proverbs we learn that it is better to say nothing at all (the New Testament asserts it is better to be wronged than to violate God’s grace in our lives) rather than to speak and wreak havoc on all around us.

May the words of my mouth reflect the love and grace of my Savior who willingly took my burden and provided me life abundant and eternal. Amen.